Sick Sad World: When You Become More Quinn than Daria and Jane
So, ramblings. This is all this blog is for. A place for me to vent about things I can't vocalize. I probably won't use it much, cause I will get anxiety about it and quit. Jussssssst sayin.
I have been trapped inside this different person since i woke up on september 5th, colors are brighter, noises are louder, smells are sometimes stronger, fear is there. Always. Doom and gloom... im used to that, i have dealt with the doom and gloom part of my life for years, i've also dealt with my social anxiety as well. But now, i dont understand things as well as i used do. I feel less creative, more cynical, but also, quite stupid and i cant understand when people arent being serious, much like Quinn. i also have problems reading and writing now. i get words backwards when reading, numbers are backwards sometimes now... its something im having a hard time getting used to.... its quite a humbling experience that's for sure.... it tries my patience all day....
I went from being a Jane, to a Jane and Daria mix.... and now, I am a three headed monster of tiny Jane head, a ginormaous Daria head, and a super ginormous Quinn head. And i hate it. im sorry. i dont know how to deal with it. i dont mean to take things personal, i cant help it. it happens. its due to me being in constant fight or flight mode. im pheoing out right now even writing this down because i had to stay up late to set up my meds for next week, which led to me discovering i need refills on multiple prescriptions and supplements and now im rethinking spending 12 bucks on a coloring book. The end.
Pheo ramblings are a lot like squirrel moments.... only immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusion.... im sorry. i dont like feeling this way.... i can't turn it off anymore. i used to be able to. i need new coping skills.... soap making helps, coloring and painting help a lot too... but im so so tired all the time, i dont know.... it just seems like so much work... it would take me days to finish a picture if i started coloring tomorrow.... days.... lots of destractive work.... might as well start after church tomorrow.... k. gnite.
I have been trapped inside this different person since i woke up on september 5th, colors are brighter, noises are louder, smells are sometimes stronger, fear is there. Always. Doom and gloom... im used to that, i have dealt with the doom and gloom part of my life for years, i've also dealt with my social anxiety as well. But now, i dont understand things as well as i used do. I feel less creative, more cynical, but also, quite stupid and i cant understand when people arent being serious, much like Quinn. i also have problems reading and writing now. i get words backwards when reading, numbers are backwards sometimes now... its something im having a hard time getting used to.... its quite a humbling experience that's for sure.... it tries my patience all day....
I went from being a Jane, to a Jane and Daria mix.... and now, I am a three headed monster of tiny Jane head, a ginormaous Daria head, and a super ginormous Quinn head. And i hate it. im sorry. i dont know how to deal with it. i dont mean to take things personal, i cant help it. it happens. its due to me being in constant fight or flight mode. im pheoing out right now even writing this down because i had to stay up late to set up my meds for next week, which led to me discovering i need refills on multiple prescriptions and supplements and now im rethinking spending 12 bucks on a coloring book. The end.
Pheo ramblings are a lot like squirrel moments.... only immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusion.... im sorry. i dont like feeling this way.... i can't turn it off anymore. i used to be able to. i need new coping skills.... soap making helps, coloring and painting help a lot too... but im so so tired all the time, i dont know.... it just seems like so much work... it would take me days to finish a picture if i started coloring tomorrow.... days.... lots of destractive work.... might as well start after church tomorrow.... k. gnite.
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